trash.talker

2009-09-15T01:02:00.002+08:00

Moved.
thetrashtalker.wordpress.com

bored of bs.

2009-09-13T23:21:00.002+08:00

Well, it is a boring sunday.
I'm totally bored of my life please.
No work, no fun, dead boringness.

WTF curfew 10pm.
Please.
I'm already 18.
I just didn't want to argue.

Anyway, enough of the fucking pissing ppl stuff.
On the happier note,
tmr I'm going to enjoy myself with ANG QING QING.
She just made my day by doing something.
Cant help but laugh when i think about it.
HAHAS

2009-09-13T00:15:00.003+08:00

Lyrics from the song: How could I break the heart,that loved me

How could I break the heart,that loved me
How could I hurt the one, that never would've hurt me
And with one mistake, one night, I've threw away my life
And I wish I could take it back, Yes I wish I could change the past
How could I break a heart, so trusting
And lose my everything, for something that meant nothing
With one mistake, one night, so much was sacrificed
And I wish I could take it back, Yes, I wish I could change the past
How could I be so bad to the one that was so good to me
So cruel to the one that was so comforting
Now the tears are here,
...

I want to feel, I want,
How could I break a heart, so easy
And lose the love of the one who loved me so completely
One mistake I made, look at the price I paid
And I wish I can take it back,
How could I be so bad to the one that was so good to me
So cruel to the one that was so kind to me
Now the tears are here,
...
of what a fool I was
I wish I could undo the hurt I caused you
But it's too late for that I know I can't
How could I break the heart, that loved me
How could I hurt the one, that never would've hurt me
And with one mistake, one night, I've threw away my life
And I wish I could take it back, Yes I wish I could change the past
How could I break the heart, that loved me

The end.

Life has been rather boring but today was good.
Went down to the Comex Fair because I wanted to get a DSLR (:
Didn't know what time it started, assumed it was 10am and so we headed down there after going to telecom centre.
Ate Burger King breakfast for the first time in 18 years.
LOL.
The fair started at 12pm but it was already very crowded at 11 plus.
So we walked around looking at other exhibitions going on there.
Bought a new bottle of perfume.

So we headed up at about 1140pm.
As soon as the we were allowed to enter, like the others, we jostled our way in too.
Hahas. typical singaporeans la.
Anyway after we went straight to look at the 3 different brands of DSLR that are more famous.
Decided to take Canon 500D
Firstly the offered more freebies ,
It comes with free tripod stand, a crumpler camera bag( negative point is got the word canon), a free printer,16gb memory card, screen protector (too small for the screen though) and a book with all the information of different lens.
A lot right?
Hahas.
That is why we got it.

Mum wanted to get a recorded DVD player for the following reasons :

The one at home going to spoil
So that can record nice shows
To make $1500 to get the free gift offered if you charge to OCBC card.

So after we got the free gift for the camera, with the printer, we went back to get the DVD player.

Hence it ended up with me and my mum lugging back like 3 big boxes- printer, dvd player and free gift. Take bus somemore. Total madness. But on the plus side, a new DSLR(((:

2009-09-10T23:38:00.002+08:00

Woohoo!

I bowled for collegiate league AGAIN today.
3rd time, 3 weeks straight.
Anyway, today I bowled my personal best.
Average 169 ((((((:
Im proud of me :D

anyway, there was a squirrel at SPGG today
gosh, damn scary please.
Imagine you didn't know there is a squirrel running loose till you saw it up close,
you will definitely freak out too rite.

Anyway, gotta go and sleep soon.
Work tmr.
HAPPY ME (:

2009-09-10T01:37:00.002+08:00

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
This is how bored I am.
League later(138am now), something I'm not looking forward to.
Gotta go down to SPGG to get my ball.
Friday is work.
As much as it means income, I'm not looking forward to it.

2009-09-09T00:48:00.002+08:00

There's a time for crying and a time for laughing,
There's a time for pain and a time for joy.

This is something I learnt while watching a drama series.
I think it is super meaningful.

I just want all these to stop.
Why must it be full of complication.
Why

2009-09-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

Training today was cancelled because other me , Nicholas Ng, Nicholas Ho and Steph turn up, no one else did.
So played 4 games with them(other then steph)
tried to correct some mistakes of mine.
Did shitty for the first 3 games but the last was good.
my hand has alot of peeled skin, best to the max, tmr they are going to hurt BADLY

QQ:
LOVE YA THE MOST LA. HEHE (:
OUTING AGAIN SOON K?
AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET WELL SOONNNNN!!!

2009-09-07T01:04:00.002+08:00

My tagboard is so dead, have the thought of removing it.
Though I'm having holidays now,
I feel so stressed up.
Have to do this, have to do that,
Have to go for driving, go get a job, etc.
Even feeling stressed up of bowling.
It used to be so much determination to do well in it.
Suddenly, just feel so exhausted by it.
Having to trained for about a year and a half and yet my scores still suxs.
Not that I didnt put in effort,
perhaps it is just not enough ba.

Sometimes I just think I'm damn suay.
Take tmr for example.
I have training at 8 to 10,
Was asked to join Qing Qing and her friends for dinner
And there is a class gathering tmr night too.
So, well, bowling more important in the sense,
I don't think anyone will know.

This is not the first time I experience clashes in outings with my friends.
guess this is how I start to loose them ba.
Parents refusal to class chalets, outings, have to go home early, etc.

2009-09-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

Saw you today, or at least I think I did.
I shouldn't be wrong.
Saw you with a girl.
The moment I saw you I just freaked out, trying my best to get out of the place as quickly as I can.
That was like the most unbearable few minutes for me waiting for payment at the counter.
Why do I still feel this way when I see you?
Why.

2009-09-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

Bridge to Terabithia

Above is the title of the movie I just finished watching.
It is a very touching story.
Good plot.
Transform yourself back into time,
Keep your minds wide open,
and you would be able to see a whole new world.

2009-09-01T23:39:00.003+08:00

空虚.

2009-09-01T02:07:00.002+08:00

I seriously think I make a bad friend.
Today was your first day of attachment yet I actually forgot to ask you how it was.
I was out with my secondary school friends till I forgot totally about it.
Though I know that you won't read this.

Holidays finally started for me, finished exams on wed but started working for Winter Time at Natas Fair on Friday till Sunday.
Met new people, tiring but enriching.

Total disappointment of myself.

Breakfast with brother in the morning tmr.
Afternoon's free, dunno what to do.
Hmm.

2009-08-28T23:57:00.001+08:00

first day of natas fair at expo.
tiring please, and boring.hahas..

legs broken and so is my back.

I NEED A 24/7 PLAYMATE!
any takers??

2009-08-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Literally how that I can just dig a hole and die right at the bowling alley.
Fucking screwed my 3 games up.
Freaking let my team mates down..
Fucking hell, what the fuck am i doing today.
Screw me. go and die. go bang the wall and dieee.

on the contrary, the earlier part of the day was spent with my
BELOVED ANG QING QING.
Watched final destination together.
Thank you la. I FEEL SO HONOURED.
You took my virgin watching a M18 movie and a GORE movie okay.
SO you BETTER BE FUCKING HONOURED TOO.
hahas.
LOVE YOU TO THE MAX LA.
because of you I am happy just being single.
Aww. don't be too touch reading my post.
But i FREAKING MEAN IT OKAY.
BE HONOURED.

I shall go continue to dwell in emo-ness for fucking screw myself into shit today.
anywhere I can go and commit suicide?
seriously, wah lao.
I am fucking pissed with myself for how i bowled today.
All my life up to now, I yearn to take up a sport and hope to excel in it.
When I finally got to do sports in poly, I was delighted.
people splash me with cold water, saying that this is a very expensive sport, dont take it up,etc.
For the first year, I slogged hard and my effort paid off.
Not that I was very good, but at least I was given a chance to perform for all the hard work I did.
I just screwed everything up today.
I just wished that I did better.

2009-08-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

today marks the last paper and the end of my torture.
HAHAS.
Wohoo..

Already gave up on studying yesterday.
Today's paper can pass just that wont do well only ba.
Who cares abt it now.
ITS OVER!

Jia Lin's birthday today so we had a celebrating after exams.
Went to catch a movie at Marina.
We watched The PROPOSAL.
Whoohoo.
NICE TO THE MAXXX
worth to catch definitely.

Today was fun. Missed them really.
Those guys make great friends seriously.
)):

OUTING WITH ANG QING QING TMR. ((((:

2009-08-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

today marks the end of the long wait and preparation for the most stressful module- IEF.
The paper is badly screwed up. like totally CMI.
Dreams of doing well just vanished into thin air.

Last paper tmr,
But the thing is I have no mood to pick up the notes to memorize.
Friends are all so anxious about SOM while me and here blogging, surfing the net and doing all kinds of crap other than study.

SOM is the only hope of an A.
MOTIVATION COME TO ME NOW PLEASE!!
YOU ARE BADLY NEEDED BY ME!

2009-08-25T06:46:00.002+08:00

2 hours of sleep and 3 hours plus of memorising.
I hope everything goes in.
BRAIN YOU GOTTA WORK LTR!!

GOD PLS LET ME PASS THIS PAPER!
PLEASE!!!

it is 2 hours away from the paper.
KEEPING FINGERS CROSS... :X

i just need to pass the paper, to my best ability.
I CAN DO IT .
I KNOW I CAN

2009-08-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

okay. two papers down and two more to go.
good side, there is 2 more to go, a step closer to the end of the sem.
bad side, i dont have enough time to ace tmr's IEF, which i badly want to
today's AAA i hope i didnt make careless mistakes, screwed the last question worth 30 marks.
GG.

tired already. how to continue.

2009-08-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

LAVINIA IS SUPER DUPER FREAKED OUT ALR!

2009-08-23T15:31:00.003+08:00

thinking about how much time i have tmr to study for IEF literally freaks the hell out of me.
Only have from tmr 5pm to tues 7am to study and includes my sleeping time too.
Oh shit is right.
Now I can't even concentrate for my AAA paper tmr.
Gotta do well to get my B+ at least. *fingers cross*

2009-08-22T18:10:00.002+08:00

okay best. I thought today's paper was 5 choose 4.
Instead it was do all 4 questions.
HAhs .. how careless i was.
Thank god the question wasnt difficult, could guess wad it is.
PMKT was good i think .

3 more to go.

ignore me.
Don't talk to me.
I'm afraid I cant handle it

2009-08-22T00:19:00.002+08:00

Finished my revision. I guess I did ba.
Hahas. Decided to forgo marketing channel.
Cause we only need to answer 4 out of 5 questions
So i guess studying 5 topics is more than enough ba.
HAHAS watching er mo zai shen ban. Hahs.
must relax my brain.

Jiayou everybody for exams (:

2009-08-21T19:40:00.002+08:00

Really afraid that tmr I will blank out while doing my paper.
Am deciding to give up one chapter, marketing channels.
Scared i write the wrong things tmr sia.

GOD GIVE ME POWER!

2009-08-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

was watching the channel u show just now whereby they went to cambodia, siem reap.
though where they went were diffierent,there were some that we visited/passed by on the "cruise" trip. that was hell load of drama when we were there. it brought back memories. good ones.
looking forward to trip no. 2!

2009-08-19T01:38:00.002+08:00

i wish for this one more week exactly to pass quickly so that i can enjoy my holidays alr.
anyway, while waiting for the liquid paper on my paper to dry, i shall post something on what I planning to do :

Earn money (a lot, a lot)
Go for Siem Reap trip with ivy they all
Improve bowling skills
Do well for college league
Do well for POLITE
Go on a mini holiday this hols
GO TAIWAN next year with ANG QING QING

Ang Qing Qing, you know you love me to the max.
HAHAS
back to studying, wasted a lot of time on com alr

2009-08-18T18:27:00.002+08:00

lavinia took the What's the birth month of the person that has a crush on you? quiz and got the result: October.

Hahas.
I hope this is true man.
But not possible la.
HAHAS
unless the sun rise from the west

(editted)
the person was someone that i liked for quite some time.
About close to 4 years ba.
Such a long time make me realise that it will be impossible to be with that person
so i have gonna over it.

Now, I'm a free and available person. Hahas.

2009-08-18T18:27:00.000+08:00

2009-08-18T15:02:00.002+08:00

I love my new phone though i still dont really know how to use it.
And it freaked me out this morning, was vibrating non stop.
Wonder what time it started to vibrate till i picked it up around 10 plus due to some irritating call to my house no. looking for my mum.
Tell her not around still ask Can i speak to mdm yeo? Mrs Goh arhh.
Not around la.
disturb my sleep
Go eat shit.

2009-08-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

Totally exhausted today.
Woke up at like around 10 this morning but slept at 2 plus ytd.
Hahas.
Super not my timing.
My timing= 2to 4 am in the morning sleep to afternoon 12 plus 1.

My new phone's snooze is freaking annoying.
Make you confirm must wake up one.
Nevertheless, I still love it:D

Ok. collapsing alr.
NITES (:

2009-08-15T23:27:00.001+08:00

NEW PHONE!!
Finally (((:

2009-08-15T02:13:00.002+08:00

Haven't really came up with a post recently, it all concerns of some bullshit and rubbish stuff.

Just finished the Hannah Montana Show.
I think it is a brilliant show.
(p.s. Studying part was real k. just need breaks too)

From every movie, very drama series, I learn something new.
Everyday studying, reading those that I have no idea what use they will bring in future to me, I learn something new. You never know when you need these knowledge.
Knowledge is abundant.
It is everywhere.
We have to grab hold of it or it will be gone.
Going to school, learning new stuff, is all part of growing up.
Even if you didn't know how to appreciate it and put effort in it previously, it is not too late to start now.

Similarly to those around you .
It is never too late to start to show the people around you how much you care about them.
Parents, brothers , sisters, friends, many of them have made sacrifices in thier lives for you and me. Show them your love and how much you appreciate them.
It will be too late when you lose them.
START NOW!

TO MY DADDY, MUMMY,BROTHER, COUSINS, AUNTS, UNCLES, GRANDAMAS AND NOT FORGETTING ALL OF MY FRIENDS,

I LOVE YOU GUYS!
THANKS FOR BEING IN MY LIFE AND BEING THERE FOR ME!
LOVE ALL OF YOU!

2009-08-13T16:41:00.002+08:00

Currently hearing: Ne-Yo, Do you.
HAHAs according to Qing Qing, I'm a black singers supporter, which is quite true.
Most of my songs are by neyo, frankie J, etc.
Hope you guys like the lyrics to the song (:

MAYBE this decision was a mistake.
You probably don't care what I have to say.
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now.
Guess I'm trying to clear some mental space.

I would love to talk to you in person.
But I understand why that can't be.
I'll leave you alone for good I promise.
If you answer this one question for me.

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do youuuuu?

First off let me say congratulations.
Heard that you just had a baby girl.
If she looks anything like her mother,
She's the prettiest thing in the world.
Swear that I'm not tryin' to start no trouble.
Tell your fiance he can relax.
I'll leave you alone for good I promise,
There's a question I just gotta ask.

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do youuuuu?

I know what we have is dead and gone.
Too many times I made you cry.
And I don't mean to interrupt your life.
I just wonder do I ever cross your mind?

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you? (do you, do you, do you, do you)

I just wonder (do you ever)
Do you ever (do you ever think of me)
Think of me
Anymore
Do you? (do you, do you)

I just wonder
Do you ever
Think of me
Anymore(anymore)
Do you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

2009-08-13T15:23:00.001+08:00

deleted my previous post cos i think it might/will offend a lot of people ba.
To those who have read and feel offended, im sorry.

2009-08-10T17:36:00.000+08:00

Have no idea why I'm here also.
Nothing interesting to blog about actually.
Cos my life revolts around doing notes and watch drama series.
HAhas. I shall finish the show soon so I wont be distracted.
AAA notes very little so I'm about done with it.

Anyone wants to accompany me to go study??
I cant study at home.
hahahs.
Too many distractions :X

2009-08-09T01:58:00.002+08:00

Was facebooking when it dawn upon me that we have all graduated for almost 2 years already.
All of you are busy with Alvls now.
Most of you still meet up really often.
As for me, I haven't seen you guys for some time already.
But anyway, All the best for Alvls.

you guys meet up so often, what about me?
why am i like always the one to be forgotten?
perhaps i was really a lousy friend.
but all i wanna say is i really tried my best to be a good friend.
I really did.

2009-08-07T00:49:00.003+08:00

Life is full of mysteries, secrets, love and hatred.
These are all part and parcel of life.
These are all things we need to accept in life.

I am a person who shows my feelings on my face
I am one who would not suffer in silence.
I am one who will fight for myself.
I am one who goes around telling ppl how much I don't like about this person.

If you cant accept the way i am, just get lost.
I no need you in my life.
You don't have to a hypocrite in front of me.

Things you don't like about me you can tell me straight in the face.
I rather that than all the secrecy.

I hope my post didn't offend anyone
I'm also not referring to anyone in particular.
Only if you are guilty of the above, should you feel offended.

2009-08-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

nothing much happen today actually.
lesson ended at 11am, was pretty much a waste of time.
homed to do project and that was it.

looking forward to ltr.
meeting QQ!!
hahas finally after sooo longgg

2009-08-03T20:33:00.002+08:00

MOVIES TMR (:

today sucks.
did badly for IEF report and letter writing.
gosh..
Lavina wake up please.

2009-08-03T00:05:00.001+08:00

Currently freaking bored and tired.
but I cant sleep yet, helping See Ting with her portfolio.
didnt have the chance to read up IEF.
hmm, guess i should start now. lol.

2009-08-02T18:08:00.001+08:00

Finished 2 portfolios finally.
Help my stead to do hers too.
HAHAS . I dam good rite.
I'm so going to get her to pay me back :D

Pretty satisfied with them.
I hope i get to present tmr.
Then wed can pon. HAHAS

2009-07-31T23:59:00.001+08:00

I have no idea why i'm here also.
today has been an exhausting day to me.
nothing much to blog on.
dont wish to blog on oso.

suddenly realise how important you are to me.
I'm trying to be there for you whenever I can.
I hope to be able to stay true to my words.

2009-07-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

After 5 weeks of Photography Lessons, I learned a lot.
Here are some of the best and cutest pictures to me.
Hope you enjoyed it. ((:

Something screwed my good mood today.

2009-07-30T00:00:00.001+08:00

Finally finished on my Photography Project.
It has been a fun 5 weeks but also a difficult one.
Though this 5 weeks, I have learnt a lot.

lastly, Thank you all of you for being my models.
hahas.
Esp to my stead and shi yun

2009-07-28T23:25:00.001+08:00

Never worry at times where you feel down, helpless or sad.
There is sure to be someone there beside you.
There is no such thing that this does not exist.
Everyone will definitely have someone that will be there for him/her in times of need.

I can't say I'm a good friend.
But i will try to be the best of what I can be.

2009-07-27T22:29:00.001+08:00

totally exhausted to the max.
I want to go and sleep now.
BUT PMKT is not done ):
ARGH!!

I regret opting to doing the collation.
mental draining and taxing.

Hmm i think i should go sleep and wake up to do ltr.
Hahas.

2009-07-27T12:39:00.001+08:00

What the fuck.
D for Bcomm assignment.

Screw Bcomm.
Screw the teacher.

Grade drop from B to C.
WTF.

2009-07-26T23:35:00.002+08:00

tiring day for me.
first have to wake up early to go botanical garden to do IS assignment.
Then come home chiong project.
Then bowling competition
then home again to chiong project.
never even read my IEF.
I'm dead tmr.
well did pretty ok for the competition today.
Satisfied with myself ((:

2009-07-26T00:49:00.003+08:00

Well went down to town area in hope of getting some pics for the stupid photography assignment.
30 people shots and another 30 best shots for portfolio. Kill me please. As much as I find photography fun, I seriously have no idea what to take to have an impressive shot.
Anyway, here are some of the pics i took today.
btw, i say Aston too. He went there to shop. Hahas.
Apparently, there are a lot of promotion/advertising along orchard road.
here are some, and i commend them for their boldness, esp the one in red.

HAHAs. it is rare to get a nice shot of my bro. camera shy la ppl.
So I'm proud of having taken this shot (((:
Say cheese :DDD

What a beautiful sky

following are pics that i WILL put in my portfolio.
Arent they cute and adorable ?? (((:

2009-07-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

Qing Qing is the best.
I felt really better telling her some stuff.
and well i haven gotten over it.
Guess my mind has been pretty screwed up previous few days.
I hope it will get better

2009-07-24T23:56:00.002+08:00

First thing first, anyone wants to be my model for a photoshoot.
I need it for my assignment :X
Please help!!!
if you can and dont mind, please leave me a tag note on my tag board.
I hope to have someone's help.

Projects are driving me nuts.

haven't been in the best of moods lately.
I can laugh, I can smile, I can joke but I just feel so empty inside.

2009-07-24T02:20:00.004+08:00

Every once in a while, I will be affected by the fact that people around me are attached and I'm not. That is always the time when my mood's at the lowest.

I have changed a lot since I graduated from Secondary School.
I learn to let go more, to be more sociable, to open up and make new friends.
I used to be one that have difficulties making friends with guys esp. and worse of all, I STILL suck at maintaining good relationships with my friends.
This is the real me. The one behind all the mask, smiles, etc.
I'm exhausted.
I'm sick of that me.
But it is part of me that I don't have the strength to make any changes
I know I need to, to make me stop being so miserable.

I just did a quiz on fb that i find it really true about my love life.
You might meet him/her everyday but the division that separates you from one another is pride. You may want to do the first move but you are too cautious to be hurt because you don't even know everything and the reason is that you are to afraid to approach him/her. Maybe because of distance or millions of excuses?

2009-07-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

I wish it could be me.

2009-07-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

I hate love stories.

2009-07-22T14:19:00.003+08:00

What would you do if you realize that the one you have fallen for has an illness like Cancer?
Would be be afraid and back out?
would be strong and stay by him even if his days are numbered?

I really don't know myself.
But to those who are able to do it, I salute you.

ps. I'm talking about just relationship, not married couples.

2009-07-21T22:39:00.004+08:00

Today was a tiring day for me although school ended at 1230 today.
Went down to town to take some pictures for my IS.
Walked from Isetan all the way to The Cathay, before heading home.
After that, I realise that the pics i took last thursday all gone):
So i went back to Botanical Garden to take more pics.
Enough of my blabbing, pictures time(:

Wear a mask if you have a fever, flu or cough.
OOPS:X
Orchard Central

Lastly, Finale.
me and my "STEAD"
hahas.

These are like our second and third pictures though we know each other for very long already.
Weird. Hahas. Promise to have more soon (((:

2009-07-21T00:18:00.000+08:00

desperado. That's me.

2009-07-19T22:09:00.001+08:00

I was too bored today so i tried out many quizzes on Facebook.
Hahas.
Guess what,
The first letter of my best friend, the first letter of my lover, the first letter of the person who hates me, all starts with the letter "M".
Irony man.

I seriously hope it is not gonna be true.
If not, i think who knows they may all be the same person
HAHAS!

2009-07-19T00:23:00.003+08:00

Time heals all injuries, even the most serious.

A lot have been affecting the stupid brain of mine.
bad mood swings too.
I feel like a robot, just repeating my actions everyday.
It's empty inside.

2009-07-18T23:11:00.002+08:00

I admit my previous post is very emo, but that is written with all my emotions accumulated for some time.
But no worries people! Lavinia has you guys all around her, doesn't she?
She can depend on all of you right?
I hope so. Hahas.

My parents used to always scold me for watching too much television, too much movies.
But never will they have known that actually I learnt a lot from those television series, movies, and all. They are talking about real life experiences. Experiences of some one out there some where on this planet.

So watch more movies, televisions and all.
HAHAS

2009-07-18T00:56:00.002+08:00

Recently, I got to know someone that gave me a familiar feeling I felt about Z(representation)
Z was someone I couldn't get over for quite some times, but the feelings and stuff i experienced with Z was happy. It was a period that I really missed.
Now, I have no idea what I should do about the new person.
I know I should keep my distance from that new person, should not be too close to the person, yet sometimes I cant help myself. The two person are totally different, yet i have a weird feeling about the new person. It is beyond what I expect of myself.

Waiting and expecting for some thing you know will happen is torturous.
Believing that miracles will happen is self deceiving.
We all live only once on this planet.
We may not even meet the people we know now again in other lives.
I guess we should all cherish the chance to spend happy and ample time together.
Stay happy and not regretting your decision.

But the me now is suffering.
The me now is in a dilemma.
The me now is exhausted from all the self deceiving and all the facade I put up just to protect myself.
sometimes I find myself very fake, very evil and I hate myself for it.
I'm sorry for such a long emo post.
but I just cant help it.
It has been bottled in me for quite some time.
Just needed an area to vent the stress and all the stuff I have been keeping inside of me.

A quote from a movie I just watched
"No one hates history. It is their own history that they hate about"

2009-07-17T15:02:00.001+08:00

i came in here with something in my mind to blog.
but when i want to start to type, I forgot what i want to blog about.

gonna rot in school for like 4 hours
i think i'm crazy.
hahahs

2009-07-17T00:48:00.002+08:00

i think i am suffering from internal nose bleeding.
scary sia.
but the thing is if i dont blow my nose, all the phlegm gets stuck.
but if i blow, there is blood.
how leh. sigh.
I dont want to see a doc.

gross i know.
i'm sorry :P

2009-07-16T23:46:00.001+08:00

Around everyone there are 小人 and 恩人.
Of course everyone will prefer to have 恩人 because they help us in life through difficulties and all.
As for 小人, they are every where.
You cant escape them at all.

Sigh, life hasn't gone so well for me lately,
all the problem and sickness,
oh well it will be over soon, I hope.

to all, do take care and rest well, dont fall sick!!
((:
Cheers

2009-07-12T21:10:00.002+08:00

Today was pretty much a fun family day with my cousins, aunts and uncles over on my mum's side.
Well, we are not that close, but despite all the awkwardness at times,
I think it was pretty much a success.

went for lunch at ah yat restaurant, near bird park.
There we had Karaoke session and lunch,
followed by bowling at CSC bt batok.

I have the urge to take a MC tmr.
Having flu and sore throat are recommended to stay home right?
hahas.

2009-07-11T00:10:00.003+08:00

Do you believe in karma, retribution?
Well I do, sometimes.
So why in the first place do we do sure terrible things to others?
Guess that's the irony of life.

Crap, I'm failing ill again la.
must be all the rain that I have been walking in.

oh well, nothing much to blog about,
has been a boring week of life.
Only thing is I finally bought polos.
and they are not black ok.
only one.
and its damn cheap- approx 15dollars for one (((:
wanna get them, ask me the location ((:

off to take some rest.
hope to get better soon.

2009-07-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

I've been bowling like shit lately, correction, never improved.
this year girls D.squad only got 9 members.
pathetic to the max.

anyway, I'm going to step up on my training.
stop playing pool and more bowling.

why cant i stop thinking about you ?

2009-07-08T09:27:00.002+08:00

bad start to a long day.
first I forgot to bring my ezlink card, only found out on the bus, I tapped using my np student card.
(go ahead and laugh)
then, i refuse to waste money to change another bus to get to another place to take another bus to school.
which resulted in me spending more money on the cab.
and still, i was late.
but worse of all was, i wanted to be on time for the test but my ass teacher started on the next week table topic first.
Earlier i know i don't wait my money sia.

Now i have no money left for lunch.
ATM too far away.
and I have been spending way too much lately.

2009-07-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

my mind is screwing me up badly.

2009-07-06T12:03:00.000+08:00

Here I am in Bcomm class again.
Having training today and TWO pmkt tutorial to complete.
Aw man.

2009-07-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

Watched ghosts of girlfriend past with Qing Qing earlier in the afternoon.
Thought the show was quite boring. Hahas.
Maybe it has nothing for me to relate to.

Bought a new pair of slippers from FOX (:
damn cheap. haha.

How I wish I could just dig myself a hole and jump into it.
I have died of humiliation.

2009-07-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

I failed to touch my books today again.
Since I started poly life, I think I have slackened a lot on school work as well as revision.
Went to the expo robinson fair today with my parents.
Well saw a watch that i liked but it was freaking expensive.
other than that, there wasn't much that caught my attention.
Well I wished my dad can stop worrying so much about money and pamper himself once.
I liked the way the shoes he tried fit on him.
But in the end, he didn't get any either because of the color or the design.

anyway, tmr out with dearest Qing Qing again. ((:
So that is one thing to be happy about other than my piling tutorials.

I suck at maintaining friendships.
I have tried my best,
yet I failed time and time again.
Where the hell went wrong?

I hate my past.
I hate the me now.

2009-07-03T23:54:00.002+08:00

guess i can say i screwed up my CTs rather badly.
people are getting 80s, 90s, I'm only in the 70's range.

I shall TRY to be a good and stay in to study tmr.
Kind of lazy to leave the house.
But at the same time, kind of sick of staying at home.

what do i really want?
waiting for something you know will never happen is taxing.

2009-07-03T11:56:00.000+08:00

forget to add something,
spared a difficult space ytd((:
7 4 10. wohoo

2009-07-02T23:09:00.002+08:00

There are somethings that cannot be mentioned here because i have no idea who reads my blog.
If i were to type things out here, i guess i will hurt or piss people by chance without knowing.

but anyway what i want to say can be concluded in this sentence
我有一种不祥的预感。
因为这样，我很害怕。

2009-07-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

Had Ben and Jerry's ice cream before heading home.
I love the atmosphere there.
shall go there soon again.

seriously not looking forward to IS tmr.

2009-07-01T15:43:00.001+08:00

fuck la.
because of my honesty i lose freaking 9 marks for my accounting .
seriously i can take my head go bang the wall.

lavinia is going to emo.

2009-07-01T09:37:00.001+08:00

hahahs thank you BUDDY AND QING QING!
love you guys tons and millons and zillions <3
hahas..

but no worries,
I'm not emo-ing because i have you guys (:
just fa lao shao only.
hahahs .

I'm bored.
Bcomm is shitty.

2009-06-30T22:44:00.002+08:00

a quick update on what i have been up to recently other than those mentioned in the other posts,
currently having a SLR on hand.
BUT i dunno how to operate it.
Anyone care to teach me??

that's about it.
hahas.

my blog is getting more and more dead as the day goes by.
other than my frequent taggers, i wonder who reads my blog):

school starts at 9 tmr which totally sucks given that lesson is the teacher i dislike most.
She seriously cannot teach please.

will I even be loved?
maybe i will just experience my entire life without even being in love with someone before.
sad huh.
well truth are always the most cruel thing in life.

please no. No to the above.

2009-06-30T16:28:00.001+08:00

pmkt tutorial was canceled today so the only lesson was AAA lecture.
So i decided to pon.
hahas.
this week still feels like holidays to me.
sian tmr school till 5 and im starting thurs lessons starting this week too ):

just finished watching "knowing". i don't think it is a nice show.
don't really understand.
hahs.

2009-06-29T11:17:00.002+08:00

yesterday was a tiring day.
8 games straight of bowling.
from 6 plus to 11 plus.
like about 5 hrs of bowling.
total cui-ness

worse of all, i miss the last train home from jurong interchange.
haiz. there goes my 10.50 dollars to the taxi uncle.
reached home about 1230AM.
madness.

school's first week damn cool.
loads of lessons are cancelled..
thanks to the H1N1.
ending sch at one today and 11 tmr (:

quite satisfied with my overall advantage though i know i can do better.

2009-06-28T14:27:00.001+08:00

having my roll off later at safra yishun.
I'm screwed to the mac man.
although one year on, still am freaking nervous and scared
i just pray for not screwing up

i need confidence and concentration and loads loads of luck.

2009-06-27T21:53:00.001+08:00

finally finished boys over flowers.
woohoo.
hahas.
i think im going to start to watch it all over again.
i know im crazy.

2009-06-27T00:21:00.000+08:00

crap.

2009-06-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

crap.
I'm hooked onto boys over flowers.
hahas.

the thing is i cant afford to.
gotta finish my project by sat.
going out.
tutorials.

i'm so dead.

2009-06-24T02:11:00.002+08:00

have you ever thought of being born into a rich family, born with a silver spoon in your mouth?
have you always wished that your family was richer so you could get everything you want?
I have.

but i realize that there is a price to pay for everything.
being born into a rich family, you will be hoping for parents' love.
that is something you will always be short of.

although poor, many families are happy with just being able to spend time together.

what is your definition of happy?
to be rich?
or to have love showered by your family?

I wished for both though I know it is impossible.

2009-06-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

i wanna scream.

afraid.
afraid of you.

2009-06-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

i feel weird, confused, vexed, everything and anything but okay.
It feels like the real me is missing. Is it?
I don't know.
life has been very stressful for me.
I can breathe anymore.

我在搞笑借着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了
还在搞笑
害怕回家不知怎么熬

I have a phobia of going home early,
but the point is i cant stay out too late either.
there used to be a point where i avoided going home by going to work, take buses instead of mrts just to reach home ltr.

everything happening around me is too overwhelming.
so much to care about.
so much to think of.
so much to handle.
so much to consider.
why cant my life be simple and plain.
why must it be filled with ups and downs.
i wish for nothing but a simple yet happy life.

so much has happened lately that i have no idea how to handle them
i can just loose my anger at anything and everything.
please.
my old happy me, come back .

2009-06-22T21:32:00.002+08:00

Hmm, currently sitting in front of the television thinking about what i should blog about today.
Nothing much happened today though.
Watched Sex and the City. Quite a good show to me.
Added a song to my blog now.
Quite a meaningful song to me.

Our biggest enemy and competitor is ourselves.
Winning ourselves would be winning even if we have lost to others.
Sunday is a important day.
I hope i will not screw up.

Anyone wants to go down and support me?
ahas.

2009-06-21T22:43:00.002+08:00

hello! I'm back!
hahas.
4 days of chalet was, hmm, too little leh.
didn't relax or slack enough
well but still i had loads and tons of fun.
pictures shall do the talking for now.

Presenting, Sultan Shoal.

Here's where we alight from the ship to the tiny island.

This island consists:
Two chalet houses,

bbq pits for each chalet,

a swimming pool!

two areas for fishing

and of course the light house itself.
It has been 4 years since i last visited the chalet.
It used to be a very major thing for my family.
It used to have 20 plus people going for the chalet together.
Now, only close relatives like all my uncles and grandma and cousins.
So 4 days there, we spend it by fishing, television, mahjong, talking, bbq, eat, sleep, that's about it.

well up next are some scenery shots i took.

and last but not least, my half naked uncle with one of the fish he caught.
hahas(((:

QQ: what's with all the dots?
XY: sorry sorry. planning already.

My grand uncle passed away this morning.
I hope it was a peaceful one for him.
I'm sorry I can't be there to send you on your final journey.
to my jiu jius and jiu mas, my condolences to you.
don't be too sad.
at least he dont have to suffer anymore.

granduncle, you will be remembered.

2009-06-17T21:12:00.003+08:00

well here to update about ytd's outing.
Went out with my ex classmates ytd to sing k.
Had fun.
Some unhappy stuff happen shall not mention about it.
But nevertheless, i would like to thank them for still taking me as part of them and asking me to join them.
also, i didnt feel awkward there.
yup.
it was fun.
thanks guys(:

2009-06-17T15:07:00.000+08:00

firstly, QQ im fine.
hahas.
just qq deprived..
hahas jking.

going for chalet tmr alr.
dont miss me too much ya.
hahas.
anything just drop me a sms or give me a call ya (:

2009-06-16T00:13:00.002+08:00

sitting in front of my com i have no idea what i want to blog about.
today's monday and well nothing happened.
slept at 330am , woke up at 930 am to eat breakfast with my brother.
such a nice sister rite.
then i went back to sleep at about 12 woke up at 230 to get ready to go for training.
training was like normal, very little people today. I guess it is because of the holidays, people are far too lazy to come for training.

anyway, we did the same old stuff.
quite boring actually,
but oh well, its the people that i bowl with that makes it fun.

night time is a bad time.
i can think and think about all kind of stupid stuff and just make me upset.
my happy companions are lost somewhere.

well in abt 12 hours time, I'm going out with ex classmates for kbox.
quite looking forward to it la.

i feel dead inside of me.
why do i have lost feeling lately?
there isn't anything special that has suddenly left me or something lehh.
maybe i should keep myself more occupied.
like going out everyday of the week and not come back till the wee hours
well as we all know, that is not going to be happening for me cos my parents are super strict.

18 already and all i did that was legal was buy 4D.
I want to go to a pub, have a few drinks and talk with my friends.

I have a bad habit and i need to change.
I'm getting too reliant on it.

Qing Qing! get well soon lehh.
then pool and drink and shopping ok!!!

XY, IVY, QQ, Reuben, KJ, YG, Edwin, Darren, John,BS,MX
meet up soonn ):
I miss you guys and your fun and laughter.

okay i going to catch some tv and off to sleep.
gotta stop my brain. it is going crazy.

i need a place to scream.

2009-06-15T00:05:00.002+08:00

Holidays are finally here.
Sort of kind of loose its excitement and all alr.
I don't feel like having holidays anymore though the holidays have barely started.

well, going for chalet on the thurs to sun.
so dont look for me k?
BUT
remember to miss me dearly.
hahahs((:

projects, tutorials all not done.
but well since holidays just started, I'm gonna think about it.

MY life suddenly just feels so empty.
It has seem to lose its sparks.
i feel so lost out of sudden, like some part of me is missing.
nothing feels good or right at all.

I'm feeling tired.
Tired of school
Tired of life
Tired of everything.

i have no idea what i want now.
it is like i have met the part in my life where it is a t junction and i have no idea which way to head for.

I'm fine.
No need to be worried about me.
I just need some time to think on my own.

2009-06-13T21:55:00.002+08:00

Ytd was a tiring day.
totally no energy to sit in front of my laptop to blog..
Went out with Qing Qing ytd for a shopping spree.
but we ended up buying nothing other than a pair of shoes and studs in total.
you will be amazed by how much we walk and yet get so little in the end.
we went to far east, to isetan,to wheelock, to wistma, to taka, to cine, to heeren, to OG, to Robinson and lastly, to tampines.
hahas.. madness rite, we did that in umm 8 hours approx.
i regret not getting anything.
I need to vent my anger somewhere.
but if i would have spent, i know what i would buy.
that is: SHOES

All my polos are either black or dark blue.
well I'm quite particular with them cos i dunno leh. i think i dont look nice in the rest of the colors.
ya. so till now the most ex polo tee is from giordano taiwan, pricing at 20 each.
the rest all 10 dollars only lor.
so if suddenly ask me get 20 plus to 30 plus dollar polo tee I'm finding it really difficult to do so though im really really tempted.

hahahs.
Qing Qing still want go second round not?
or you dont want shop with me liao ): ?

anyway, i headed down to the IT fair today.
I wanted to et a external hard drive.
but then my dad say the one at home all can use only you cannot
buy new one oso same problem wad.
so i didnt get it.

the stupid external hard disk is getting on my nerves.
i'm super tempted to go down and get it tmr
and oso the billabong jacket.

2009-06-11T13:56:00.002+08:00

Some asshole around my house is eating durian.
Now my own freaking room got the smell.
Argh!

Last paper tmr and my date with Qing Qing <3

first stop far east
second stop lido
third stop wistma
fourth stop taka
fifth stop heeren
sixth stop raffles place.

hmm just now, maybe i will drop by the IT fair to take a look after that if Qing Qing got AYG training.

oh well tmr's paper is shitty like literally.
shit ass course .

2009-06-10T23:18:00.001+08:00

oh well. today's pmkt was killer.
I think what i wrote was all a joke.
I'm just praying for a pass.

oh man. one more paper left to go.
FASTER FASTER!

2009-06-09T23:13:00.001+08:00

holly cow.
I still have two papers to go before the end of my exams.
Im just pending for the day when exams are over.
Why does the time seem to pass to slow??

screwed my aaa.
damn that $200 overpaid salary.

PMKT tmr.
I have doubts abt doing well.
Just gonna depend on lecture notes already.
care no more.

FRI FRI FRI
FASTER COME LEHHHHH!!

2009-06-08T22:33:00.002+08:00

seriously, fuck you.
I'm freaking pissed by how you treat mummy.

you better wake up cause it is your future.
how many times i feel like telling her what she is doing is no use but i didn't.
there is no one that can really help you other than yourselves.

no matter how you dont feel like studying you still have to.
so asshole, wake up and start studying.
Stop waiting for something to drop out of the sky.

prove me wrong,
show me what you are capable of doing,
get a better L1 R5 than 15 will be more than enough.

2009-06-07T18:33:00.002+08:00

Oh man.
I"m totally distracted my dearest laptop that I neglected my studying for test tmr.
See the prove is me in front of the laptop, typing away.

time now is 630 pm, test is tmr 130 pm which leaves me......
17 hours approximately.
And i only finished 2 chapters out of 5.
Can someone take a rope, tie me to my table and chair and keep this laptop out of my reach??

Date with QQ is the most die for thing I want to do now.
Hahas.
Of course date with the other cambies for Kbox also.
Is anyone planning?

only finished one paper of the common test and I'm already planning my havoc holidays..
errr wait. I think i started even before the first paper.
Hahahas.

Well I'm back to mugging before I fail my paper tomorrow which will result in a bad outcome.

BOWLING! I'm Coming too!
NExt sat hopefully!!

2009-06-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

IEF was a killer.
In a sense, CURRENT AFFAIRS was THE Killer.
Sat through the whole one and a half hour after Ms Koh said
"It's so hot outside. Why leave so early? Stay and enjoy the air con la"
Hahas.
Well that did make it stay on. It was burning outside.
I was golad i stayed on. I found some careless mistakes.
I can't afford to lose marks for carelessness.
Too many marks wasted already.

I'm just praying for like what Ms Koh said, A 70 percent.
It cannot be that hard can it?

Oh man,
one down but three more to go ):
I want to go bowling like so eagerly.
Why??
Bowling deprived. awww.
Have to wait till the weekends i guess.

why view things in such a difficult way?
let things just take it's natural course.
Forcing something will definitely lead to an unhappy ending.

AAA next. gotta study cos my accounting sucks to the max.
ciao~

QQ tues can?? the week after exams